The Canadian economy just got a huge boost this week. We will be recieving a free case of beer courtesy of President Obama. As you might know, there aren't very many things more important to Canadians than free beer. President Obama's (mostly Republican) critics are up in arms at this outrageous squandering of valuable American resources. "There are Americans in need of free beer" is an oft heard line in Washington these days. "Is this new President just going to GIVE this Country away?" muttered senator Stetson, the representative from the Great State of Northern Dakolina. The point is clear, in such tight economic times, with so many jobs being outsourced, and facing untold trillions of dollars of debt, the American economy must guard its resources like a pitbull with its bone.
Aesthetically though, the mood is a lot lighter. Nobody can argue that the new and improved attire of Whitehouse speaker Robert Gibbs has brought some new flair to the otherwise drab Whitehouse press room. The Maple Leaf, that glorious symbol of freedom and democracy, was centre stage for a while. "It's certainly an improvement, I think we should adopt that as our new symbol" said prominent Minnefornian legislator Tabitha Avocado.
Will this new spirit in Washington last? That remains to be seen. In the meantime, as per Canadian custom, the case of free beer will be inspected by the Canadian Ministry of Weights, Measures, and Technical Standards. Upon completion (a process usually involving 40 - 50 government comrades and lasting four to five months), the beer will be divided among Canada's 34 million residents using a formula that takes into account whether the resident resides in a "have" or a "have not" province. This will be a bonus to Ontarians whose province has recently slipped into a "have not" status, which is angering many in Quebec who feel that the citizens of Ontario are being favoured because they will recieve a share of beer that is equal to their own. Another bone of contention is that the case of American beer does not have French labels on it, sparking calls for further debate and possibly a new referendum.