All together now................... Ugh.
Winter is upon us. Today is the second day of December. It's dark when we get out of bed in the morning and thanks to our manipulation of the natural clock, it's dark by the early afternoon. The weather is horrible, the heating bills are climbing, and the Toronto Maple Leafs are assuming their annual role as cellar dwellers in the National Hockey League.
Most of my friends and acquaintances know me as a little ray of sunshine in their lives, so today I have gathered my thoughts together and will write about a few methods of how we can cope with the next few months.
1) Emigrate. Find a warmer country and go there. If this is not possible (kids, commitments, jobs, etc.), then try to break the winter up by going south for a while. If this isn't possible, then spend a lot of time drunk in bars wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
2) Sleep. A lot. The more time we spend in bed, the less time we will find ourselves trudging through the snow and twisting our ankles on icy sidewalks. The more medication, the better. It takes the edge off.
3) Excessive materialism. That's right, spend a lot of time in brightly lit, climate controlled shopping malls buying stuff. This helps on two different yet equally important fronts. Firstly it gets you inside out of the cold, and secondly, when the credit card bills start coming in, you won't give an Anus Rodentum about the weather.
4) Involvement in winter sports. Primarily, chess comes to mind. This sport can help us all pass the time very effectively. I don't really play checkers, but I hear it can be fun too.
5) Eat. Just double up on meals. We need to store enough fat to get us through the winters (bears do it), so make sure that you are gaining enough weight every week. This will give you something to fret about other than the weather and the driving conditions.
6) Drink. Alcohol. It's a little method that I lke to refer to as Corripe Cervisiam (Seize the beer). Why should we be resolving to seize the entire day when simply seizing one beer at a time will help us to get through the days. It's unwise to bite off more than we can chew.
Hopefully these six little tips will help to get you through the winter. Winter doesn't necessarily have to be this annually recurring large chunk of time that saps our strength and financial resources with its wall to wall sea of grey and misery every November until April. It can be quite fun if you resolve to get through it.